Gossip Thoughts – Give Miley Cyrus A Job

Thoughts on how Miley Cyrus went from a major star to a future trophy wife.

I had high hopes for Miley Cyrus. She was the star of the hit TV show Hannah Montana, her music was perfectly acceptable bubble gum pop, and she was taking racy photos of herself the moment she hit puberty. In the Disney Three of her, Selena Gomez, and Demi Lovato, she was the start. It seemed like she was destined to be relevant for years to come. After all, it’s not like you need talent to succeed in Hollywood.

Then something happened that baffled us all. Miley just became…normal. Well, no one in Hollywood is really normal, especially when they become famous at a young age, but Miley just became…irrelevant.

After Hannah Montana finished its run, Miley has struggled to find a role. She went away from the bubble gum pop music and tried to be a serious artist, except that no one took her serious because how much has a young girl, who has had most things handed to her, really struggled? She tried to do movies but people quickly realized that, without the campy Disney stories, she was a pretty terrible actress. People even stopped caring about her racy photos and started thinking it was more sad than sexy.

To add to the sadness, Billy Ray Cyrus, her dad who, without her, would’ve stopped being relevant in 1992, is actually getting a role on a hit TV show like 90210. How is it possible that Billy Ray, a man whose picture is alongside Snow’s under the definition of “One Hit Wonder,” is appearing on TV in legit roles more than his daughter?

It’s been reported that Miley has landed a role on Two and A Half Men as “the hot chick next door” but I’m wondering if that’s in jeopardy thanks to Miley’s latest grab at attention, which was to cut off her hair and look like Samantha Ronson. When Anne Hathaway and Charlize Theron chop their hair off, it’s probably because they’re about to land a big movie role and cutting their hair will ensure them an Oscar bid. When Miley does it, it’s because people have grown tired of her twitter pics showing off her flat stomach so she has to try something new. I’m all for her doing whatever makes her happy, but it seems like she’s crying out for help more than smiling. The only thing worse than Miley’s new haircut is fellow female celebrities saying how much they love it and admire her for doing it. If they really loved it, they would do it themselves, but they either have a real job that won’t let them cut their hair or they actually hate it. One person who hasn’t been afraid to say what we’re all thinking was Evan Rachel Wood, who joked that Miley is, “leaning towards gay” with her new haircut. Of course because people can’t take a joke, Wood, who is bisexual, had to apologize and clarify her comment.

That Two and A Half Men job could be in some serious trouble now that Charlie Sheen is inviting her over to his place. Come on girl, you know you’ve screwed up when Charlie Sheen is loving your haircut and wants to hang out with you. Maybe Miley will end up on Anger Management as Charlie’s new patient instead of Jake’s new love interest on Charlie’s former show.

The only positive that has come out of Miley’s career since Hannah Montana is The Last Song. Not the movie itself, which turned out to be a huge flop, but the actual filming of the movie, where she found love with Liam Hemsworth. Now I’m sure that I’m not the only one who thought that her dating of Hemsworth was just a publicity stunt so people would be talking about them and, in turn, talk about the movie, but now that they’re engaged to get married, I think we can all safely say that the two are in love. Granted I’m not going to send them a wedding gift until their marriage lasts longer than that of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, but I’d like to believe that Cyrus and Hemsworth are in it for the long haul.

If Miley doesn’t start spending more time at casting calls and less time at pilates, that long haul isn’t going to include a lot of Miley in the public eye because she’ll be too busy cleaning and cooking as the only role she’ll be playing is that of a housewife.

While Selena Gomez attached herself to Justin Bieber and ended up being a decent actress in the right roles and Demi Lovato actually underwent real personal struggles and downfalls that translated into solid music and eventually a judging role on The X Factor, Miley has been reduced to taking daily twitpics of herself that have people wondering if she’s too thin.

There’s still hope for the future Mrs. Hemsworth though. Just look at Lindsay Lohan. People thought she’d be dead by now at the rate she was going, instead she’s making millions of dollars and starring as Elizabeth Taylor in an upcoming movie. Granted Lohan had a fair amount of talent when she wasn’t in rehab or going through a lesbian phase, but Hollywood loves a good comeback story. If all else fails, there’s always the possibility of a reality TV show. The Jonas Brothers were facing obscurity, but one of them signed on to do a reality show and the others will be smart enough to leech off of it with wacky cameos. It’s going to be much tougher for Cyrus to make a reality show work though because most Celebreality marriage shows only feature one real celebrity (and that’s using the term loosely) and then a relative unknown. The shows that feature actual celebrity couples usually end in divorce. Should Miley do a reality show, she wouldn’t even be the biggest celeb on the show. That honor would go to her fiancé Liam Hemsworth, who is a legit movie star thanks to his roles in The Hunger Games series and The Expendables 2. Would Miley risk her marriage, which we all known will last until death do them part, in order to regain part of the spotlight? If she’s desperate enough she will.

Maybe Miley is a happy playing a background role. If she is, then I can’t help but be disappointed. She had the potential to be a huge crossover star. She could’ve starred in decently grossed, average reviewed movies and put out a commendable Katy Perry-like album every couple of years. Right now though, she’s just a celebrity living off her past accomplishments and taking advantage of today’s social media to keep her name in the mouths of others. It’s working right now, but how much longer will people care until she has to do something like put out a sex tape?

On second thought, keep doing what you’re doing Miley.